Fear or Pain: Key Causes of Anger
Oct 13, 2015
I remember one of the greatest moments in my life. I announced at one of my Emotional Care Bootcamps, that I had struggled with anger issues from the time I was a child until I was in my early 40’s. The shock I saw ripple across the faces in the audience, struck a cord in my heart.
They were stunned. In that moment, I truly grasped how far I had come. From my emotional care work, kindness had finally become my natural way of being.
I remember as a young child, how anger would well up inside of me and take over my body. By middle school, I would punch walls, doors or even trees in moments of heat – to keep from punching another person.
I worked decades to master my anger – so that I can now teach you shortcuts as an expert in Natural Emotional Care (exercise, foods & emotions) to help shift your anger. Here’s something important you need to know. Confidence and Anger issues are related. – a lack of confidence leads to angry outburst.
This might surprise you, because you probably never thought an angry person was insecure. Here’s the thing, their anger is how they CONTROL situations and other people. The reason they need the control, is because underneath they are very insecure.
In emotional science, anger is a secondary emotion – which means it is always triggered by another emotion first. You might think you went straight to feeling angry, but underneath is one of two emotions - fear or pain. Fear you won't get your way; fear of getting your feelings; or fear of disappointment for example.
In that moment of fear, your emotional body chose to express anger instead of fear. Why? Because anger feels powerful, and fear feels helpless. Anger gives you a sense of power over a situation. Fear breeds more fear of what will happen if you don't control the situation.
Anger is something we use to make other people do what we want them to, by being loud, intense, aggressive, or even bullying. Anger makes other people feel afraid. Pay attention.
Next time someone you love feels angry – notice how they are trying to make the outcome be what THEY want - such as a child hitting because they don’t get their way, or a parent yelling because their teen won’t listen, or a boss screaming at an employee to make them feel small.
They were stunned. In that moment, I truly grasped how far I had come. From my emotional care work, kindness had finally become my natural way of being.
I remember as a young child, how anger would well up inside of me and take over my body. By middle school, I would punch walls, doors or even trees in moments of heat – to keep from punching another person.
I worked decades to master my anger – so that I can now teach you shortcuts as an expert in Natural Emotional Care (exercise, foods & emotions) to help shift your anger. Here’s something important you need to know. Confidence and Anger issues are related. – a lack of confidence leads to angry outburst.
This might surprise you, because you probably never thought an angry person was insecure. Here’s the thing, their anger is how they CONTROL situations and other people. The reason they need the control, is because underneath they are very insecure.
In emotional science, anger is a secondary emotion – which means it is always triggered by another emotion first. You might think you went straight to feeling angry, but underneath is one of two emotions - fear or pain. Fear you won't get your way; fear of getting your feelings; or fear of disappointment for example.
In that moment of fear, your emotional body chose to express anger instead of fear. Why? Because anger feels powerful, and fear feels helpless. Anger gives you a sense of power over a situation. Fear breeds more fear of what will happen if you don't control the situation.
Anger is something we use to make other people do what we want them to, by being loud, intense, aggressive, or even bullying. Anger makes other people feel afraid. Pay attention.
Next time someone you love feels angry – notice how they are trying to make the outcome be what THEY want - such as a child hitting because they don’t get their way, or a parent yelling because their teen won’t listen, or a boss screaming at an employee to make them feel small.
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Disclaimer: This article is not intended to provide medical advice, diagnosis or treat. This information is based on research and knowledge by the author, and the ideas are not intended as substitute for medical advice. As with any products it is suggested that you check with your medical practitioner prior to use. The author disclaims any liability arising directly or indirectly from the use of any products mentioned herein.
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